What Harassment Really Is
— Inadequacy, Local Rules, and Double Binds
In the previous article, I examined why harassment has become so difficult to understand.
In this article, I will take the next step and explain what harassment actually is, by clarifying its underlying structure.
Harassment Is Not Simply Misconduct
Harassment is often treated as a matter of inappropriate behavior or interpersonal conflict.
However, this understanding misses its core.
Let me begin with a clear definition.
Harassment is an act in which a perpetrator uses seemingly legitimate norms, rules, or responsibilities as tools to soothe or temporarily relieve their own Inadequacy, by exploiting another person’s social and moral orientation.
This definition highlights two essential elements that are rarely discussed:
- Harassment exploits our social and moral orientation
- Its hidden purpose is to soothe or temporarily relieve the perpetrator’s own Inadequacy
These two points form the core structure of harassment.
What Is Inadequacy?
By Inadequacy, I do not mean moral weakness or malice.
It refers to a state of inner instability—a sense of being “not OK,” accompanied by anxiety, insecurity, or emotional insufficiency.
Inadequacy can arise from attachment anxiety, trauma, chronic stress, or unresolved relational experiences.
The crucial point is this:
harassment is not driven primarily by hatred, but by the need to manage one’s own Inadequacy.
Why We Are Vulnerable to This Mechanism
Human beings are fundamentally social beings.
To live in society means to live within shared norms, responsibilities, and expectations.
Because of this, we are particularly vulnerable when norms or responsibilities are invoked.
Even when a demand reflects nothing more than another person’s personal Inadequacy, phrases such as
“You should know better,”
“This is your responsibility,”
or “That’s just how things are done”
often compel us to comply.
When a person disguises their Inadequacy by coating it with seemingly reasonable justifications, the result is what I call local rules—rules that appear legitimate within a specific relationship, workplace, or community, but lack genuine universality or fairness.
Double Binds and Psychological Entrapment
Another mechanism operates simultaneously.
When a person receives contradictory messages—such as emotional hostility beneath a surface of moral justification—they can become psychologically constrained.
This phenomenon is known as a double bind.
In such situations, one cannot respond correctly:
to resist is to violate the “rule,”
to comply is to deny one’s own perception.
Although double bind theory has long been known in psychology, it is rarely applied to harassment discourse today.
Yet it plays a foundational role in how harassment entraps its targets.
The Structural Outline
In summary, harassment operates through:
- the perpetrator’s unresolved Inadequacy
- the use of local rules as justification
- double bind communication that restrains the target psychologically
This structure generates persistent distress, even when no overt misconduct appears severe.
Doing-Level vs. Being-Level Harm
To understand why harassment has long-lasting effects, it is helpful to distinguish between two levels:
- Doing-level issues: concrete actions or misconduct
- Being-level harm: psychological domination and constraint carried out to relieve Inadequacy
True harassment occurs at the Being-level.
Many victims continue to suffer long after specific actions have ended, because their sense of self and perception have been undermined.
This is why past experiences—such as bullying, verbal abuse, or relational coercion—can remain psychologically active for decades.
Why This Perspective Matters
Most harassment literature focuses on surface-level guidelines and external criteria.
As a result, the structural core remains invisible, and confusion persists.
Once this structure is understood, however, it becomes possible to:
- distinguish harassment from mere conflict
- discuss it meaningfully in workplaces
- and restore a sense of internal clarity
In the next article, I will examine how this mechanism operates in concrete relationships, such as workplaces and families, through real-life examples.
